道歉，是讓人進入你的邏輯

文/呂岫尋

LA快艇隊老闆Donald Sterling今年犯的第一個天大的錯誤，是種族歧視，他對女友說「你非得帶黑人來我的球場嗎」，電話錄音被公開後，他犯了第二個天大的錯誤，對CNN主播解釋："When I listen to that tape, I don't even know how I can say words like that … I don't know why the girl had me say those things."
言下之意，第一，我不知道自己怎麼會這樣講，不是我的錯；第二，我是被陷害的，所以不是我的錯。這兩句話說完，NBA也直接對Donald Sterling說掰掰，罰他250萬美元，而且終身不能參與NBA活動。
有誠意的道歉不是只說"I'm terribly sorry."，而是誠懇，有血有肉，有機會重新詮釋自己，錯誤因此被理解，同情，原諒。甚至，對立的人也站到你這一邊。

成長的邏輯
LeBron James: I'm Coming Home.
雷霸龍．詹姆士LeBron James是NBA首屈一指的球星，高中時，Michael Jordon親自去看他練球，畢業後，順理成章以第一順位進入家鄉俄亥俄州克里夫蘭騎士隊。2010年，他在電視直播中迅雷不及掩耳地宣布，加入邁阿密熱火隊，狠狠傷透了家鄉球迷的心。騎士隊老闆寫公開信大罵他是叛徒，憤怒的球迷在大街上焚燒他的背號23號球衣。雷霸龍決定回到家鄉隊是今年夏天，這次他透過運動畫刊Sports Illustrated記者Lee Jenkins代筆，訴說自己選擇離開與回來的原因，這份聲明也將壞小子的形象，扭轉為成熟的大男孩。這裡是幾段精彩節錄。

Before anyone ever cared where I would play basketball, I was a kid from Northeast Ohio. It's where I walked. It’s where I ran. It's where I cried. It's where I bled. It holds a special place in my heart. People there have seen me grow up. I sometimes feel like I'm their son. Their passion can be overwhelming. But it drives me. I want to give them hope when I can. I want to inspire them when I can. My relationship with Northeast Ohio is bigger than basketball. I didn't realize that four years ago. I do now.
動之以情。先不談轉隊，雷霸龍先說自己與俄亥俄的深刻連結，遠大過對籃球的熱愛，年輕時不懂，現在懂了。

Remember when I was sitting up there at the Boys & Girls Club in 2010? I was thinking, 'This is really tough.' I could feel it. I was leaving something I had spent a long time creating. If I had to do it all over again, I'd obviously do things differently, but I'd still have left. Miami, for me, has been almost like college for other kids. These past four years helped raise me into who I am. I became a better player and a better man. I learned from a franchise that had been where I wanted to go. I will always think of Miami as my second home. Without the experiences I had there, I wouldn’t be able to do what I'm doing today.
聰明的轉折。背叛成為離家出走的隱喻，孩子總是要離開再回來，沒有這四年，也就沒有今天回家的他。既感謝了邁阿密熱火隊，也取得家鄉的諒解。

The letter from Dan Gilbert, the booing of the Cleveland fans, the jerseys being burned-seeing all that was hard for them. My emotions were more mixed. It was easy to say, 'OK, I don't want to deal with these people ever again.' But then you think about the other side. What if I were a kid who looked up to an athlete, and that athlete made me want to do better in my own life, and then he left? How would I react? I've met with Dan, face-to-face, man-to-man. We've talked it out. Everybody makes mistakes. I've made mistakes as well. Who am I to hold a grudge?
如果是我也會一樣受傷。正面回應騎士隊老闆的公開信和球迷們的憤怒，雷霸龍承認，他錯了，逃避比較容易，但是他選擇面對。

In Northeast Ohio, nothing is given. Everything is earned. You work for what you have. I'm ready to accept the challenge. I'm coming home. 
在邁阿密熱火隊贏得兩次冠軍戒指，雷霸龍說，現在的他覺得自己有責任領導家鄉，不只是贏得NBA冠軍，也要讓年輕人知道"There's no better place to grow up."。最後他說，他要回家了，像在外久不連絡的孩子打電話回家，有思念，有堅定，也有期待。氣了四年的家鄉父老，還是得敞開雙臂擁抱。

使用者的邏輯
An Open Letter from Mark Zuckerberg
要讓人進入你的邏輯，先要懂他的邏輯。Facebook的動態消息News Feed問世時曾經出包，馬克佐伯格Mark Zuckerberg寫了封公開信為造成的隱私漏洞道歉，設想各種可能的聲音，一一誠摯說明，這是另一種漂亮的道歉。

We really messed this one up. When we launched News Feed and Mini-Feed we were trying to provide you with a stream of information about your social world. Instead, we did a bad job of explaining what the new features were and an even worse job of giving you control of them. I'd like to try to correct those errors now.
開宗明義說「我們搞砸了。」隨即表示他們的本意是讓社交世界更好，緊接著就告訴你他會改正錯誤。

When I made Facebook two years ago my goal was to help people understand what was going on in their world a little better. I wanted to create an environment where people could share whatever information they wanted, but also have control over whom they shared that information with. I think a lot of the success we've seen is because of these basic principles. We made the site so that all of our members are a part of smaller networks like schools, companies or regions, so you can only see the profiles of people who are in your networks and your friends. We did this to make sure you could share information with the people you care about. This is the same reason we have built extensive privacy settings - to give you even more control over who you share your information with.
更進一步的初衷，提醒大家Facebook的貢獻，新功能會讓Facebook更好用。

Somehow we missed this point with News Feed and Mini-Feed and we didn't build in the proper privacy controls right away. This was a big mistake on our part, and I'm sorry for it. But apologizing isn't enough. I wanted to make sure we did something about it, and quickly. So we have been coding nonstop for two days to get you better privacy controls. This new privacy page will allow you to choose which types of stories go into your Mini-Feed and your friends’News Feeds, and it also lists the type of actions Facebook will never let any other person know about. If you have more comments, please send them over.
不等人說，自己先提出「光道歉是不夠的」，接著送上解決方案。

This may sound silly, but I want to thank all of you who have written in and created groups and protested. Even though I wish I hadn't made so many of you angry, I am glad we got to hear you. And I am so glad that News Feed highlighted all these groups so people could find them and share their opinions with each other as well.
真心的謝謝永遠不嫌少，畢竟沒有反對的聲音，我們就無法進步。

About a week ago I created a group called Free Flow of Information on the Internet, because that's what I believe in – helping people share information with the people they want to share it with. I'd encourage you to check it out to learn more about what guides those of us who make Facebook. Today (Friday 9/8) at 4 p.m. EDT, I will be in that group with a bunch of people from Facebook, and we would love to discuss all of this with you. It would be great to see you there. 

Thanks for taking the time to read this, 
Mark
再多道歉比不過一次對話的機會，發生在虛擬的空間，也能收到真實的心意。憤怒是因為在意，因為動真感情，你相信嗎？最在意的人理解了你的誠懇，他會比任何人都支持你。■

 本文收錄於英語島English Island 2014年9月號
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