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女生和男生，誰比較愛道歉？
How many “sorry” have you said today?
你今天說了幾次「對不起」呢？
The documentary film “Taylor Swift: Miss Americana” covers everything from sexual assault to politics to the eating disorders that Swift has experienced. In one scene, Swift corrected herself after keeping saying “sorry”. Off camera, director Lana Wilson can be heard saying: “It's because we're trained to say sorry”. “Yeah, we legitimately are!” Swift replied.
紀錄片電影《泰勒絲：美國小姐》包含了泰勒絲的種種經歷，談到她經歷的性侵害事件、政治事件到厭食症。其中一個場景中，泰勒絲修正自己不斷道歉這個行為，後來導演Lana Wilson在鏡頭外說，「是因為我們被訓練成這樣嗎？要常常道歉？」泰勒絲說：「完全就是這樣！」
Is saying sorry something women are trained to do?
所以，女性說「對不起」是被訓練出來的嗎？
The short answer is yes. Women use apologies to cushion their actions and it's a behavior women have been stuck doingsince the middle ages, according to psychologist Rachel Green from The Emotional Intelligence Institute."In England, women used to have a horrible metal implement locked on their head for speaking out in public or for arguing with their husbands, and then paraded through their villages," she said. "It was called the Scold's Bridle and was intended to humiliate women.
簡短的回答：是。根據情商機構心理學家Rachel Green，女性以道歉來緩和自己的行為，這是從中世紀來女性就面臨的問題。她說，在舊時的英國，如果女性公開大聲說話或是跟丈夫爭辯，便要被以一個恐怖的工具鎖住頭部，並在村莊中示眾。這被稱作Scold's Bridle，意欲羞辱女性。
Non-verbally, we have had this attitude passed down from one generation to the next.
這樣的態度無須言語，代代相傳了下來。
The notion Swift and Wilson touch on that we're raised to think it's bad for women to be seen as "bossy" means that female language is peppered with qualifiers like "I'm sorry, do you mind moving?" and "Sorry, I just have one more question."
泰勒絲與導演Wilson都認為，在女性成長的過程中，被灌輸的觀念是「女性不能太過強硬。」也就是說，女性的話語中應該帶有修飾詞，比方說「不好意思，你可以移動一下嗎？」以及「抱歉，我還有一個問題」。
"Some women say sorry for things they don't need to say sorry for, and they say sorry in a way that sounds as though they are apologizing for themselves," Green said.
心理學家Green表示，「有些女性在根本不需要道歉的情境下說抱歉，聽起來就像在為自己道歉」。
According to a widely-referenced study, men and women simply have different ideas about which behaviors constitute an apology. Put simply, women are more likely to think that sharing an opinion or asking someone to move out of the way is cause for an apology; men do not. Sociologist Maja Jovanovic called this kind of apology-laden rhetoric "confidence killers".
根據一份被引用多次的研究，男性與女性對於「需要道歉的行為」看法大不相同。簡單來說，女性比較容易認為說出觀點或是請人借過需要先道歉，男性則不會這樣。社會學家Maja Jovanovic稱這種充滿「抱歉」的言詞為「自信殺手」。
Rather than using sorry as a default, Green suggested saying thank you."If there's a wait on a phone call, say 'Thank you for waiting', not 'Sorry for making you wait'" Green said. "Think of thank you as positive self promotion."
與其說抱歉，Green建議說謝謝。「如果要請對方在電話那頭稍候，可以說謝謝您的等待，而不要說抱歉讓您久等。」Green說「把謝謝想成一種正面的自我推銷。」
Making small changes to your thinking and your language means that when an apology is warranted, it will mean more. There's just no need to apologize for yourself when there's nothing to apologize for.
把你的想法與言語都做出小改變，不必要的抱歉不說，讓真正的道歉更有意義。當不需要道歉的時候，沒有必要隨時道歉。
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參考資料：The New York Times, Reuters, ABC News, Aljazeera, The Guardian, Mexico news daily
編輯/馬婉娟、黃煒齡
收錄於英語島 2020年04月號
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